


Everything, everything, everything.

by bizhi



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heavy Angst, I cried writing this tbh, confusion about past death, remembrance of past death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 08:51:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11249751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bizhi/pseuds/bizhi
Summary: “I love your smile.” he would say after you woke up. “I love your smile.” he would say when he picked you up from work. “I love your smile.” he would say when you got together after a fight. “I love your smile.” he would say with that beautiful smile of his own. That lovely, lovely smile. That smile you fell in love with.





	Everything, everything, everything.

**Author's Note:**

> i made an moodboard and it somehow made me very sad and i made this plot.

You were looking at the wall, walking and looking at the same time. Walking past all the neon signs, smiling content with yourself. Your hand almost reaching up and dragging over the signs because they were so pretty.

 

You had always loved signs like this, or not really. Not until Changkyun came into your life, but with him, everything felt like forever. The days, the moments, everything you loved, didn’t love and things you were to love in the future. You loved that feeling, you would love it forever if you could.

 

“I’m sorry miss” an apologetic voice said, his hand touching your arm softly, a quiet and subtle way of asking me to move a little bit. You nodded in his direction, and a soft “Sorry” wandered out of your mouth with a shy smile.

 

Your eyes were following that person’s back for a short moment until the neon lights pulled you back in. Thoughts ran across your mind as your eyes wandered over the beautiful and bright neon signs in all of the colors. The corners of your mouth dragged themselves up in a smiling position into that shape he fell in love with.

 

You loved that feeling you got when he said I love you, you will, would and is loving it forever. And if you didn’t love it today, you would come to love it tomorrow, or the next day. Or the next day after that, you would always end up loving something he loved, that was how much you loved Changkyun. 

 

It was just a thing you know? You couldn’t control it. You hated it, or you are going to end up loving it once but not now. Everything he loved, you would end up loving the same at one point. 

 

The neon signs? You didn’t really have a thing for it before Changkyun came. Your smile? You liked it and people loved to compliment it, but none felt sincere, not until Changkyun came and complimented it from the bottom of his heart. 

 

“I love your smile.” he would say after you woke up. “I love your smile.” he would say when he picked you up from work. “I love your smile.” he would say when you got together after a fight. “I love your smile.” he would say with that beautiful smile of his own. That lovely, lovely smile. That smile you fell in love with.

 

You looked at your watch. That watch you’ve always loved. You still remember when you opened the Christmas present from your grandparents. A wrapping paper so with a dark, red color looking so soft you almost wanted to exchange it for your bed. How your fingers itched to open it up but your mom saw how excited you were and made you open it last.

 

Just so your grandparents could have time to come over and see you open it up. You were really quick that day, so quick you even had to wait for your grandparents to come. Your parents were not expecting that, so they told you with a smile that you loved, to wait for your grandparents. “Because they have something you really want, and they would love to see you opening it themselves not on camera”. your mother’s sweet voice told you, pinching your chubby cheeks that she loved.

 

That was 17 years ago, and it still worked and were in a semi-decent looking state. You loved that watch because of that. Your mindless stares flickering here and there.

 

“Excuse me miss, we’re closing now.” a soft voice said, pulling you out of the nice bubble you made yourself, “But it’s only 10pm” your meek voice answered. “That’s in the summertimes miss, I’m sorry but you need to go now.” the man said, and then you realised it.

 

He was dead, the man you loved was dead. The man who made you love everything he loved was dead. Your smile faded, you couldn’t do anything he loved when you remembered he was dead. You know? It was impossible, you hated it. You hated that feeling of not being able to love things Changkyun loved when you knew he was not there. 

 

That man has loved his last things, and now you suddenly hated your smile. “I love your smile.” he said as his cancer ate him inside out. “It’s the only thing that makes me feel great now days.” he had forced out. “Thank you for having that smile i can love all day. Everyday. Thank you. I love you babe.” 

 

That was his last words, or you guys’ last words together. He was with his mom when he died, spewing nonsense because the cancer made him. You hated his last days, it was a new person. Not the guy you loved, not the coworker you fell in love with. It just simply wasn’t the Changkyun who you loved, made you feel loved or made you unintentionally make you love all of the things you loved.

 

Tears was streaming down your face as you realised you hated this place now, that you hated neon now. The feeling of forever love had been replaced by forever hate and you didn’t know if you loved it or hated it.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading thissss ~~~~~ :D hope you're not crying as i were in the end


End file.
